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How Crew players past and present might be represented in pro wrestling

Could any of these Black and Gold players make a run for a championship belt?

MLS: New York City FC at Columbus Crew SC Greg Bartram-USA TODAY Sports

If you put a group of 10 Columbus Crew SC fans into a room and asked them if they liked professional wrestling, it’s likely that at least seven of them would admit their admiration and two of the remaining three remaining participants would be lying.

The results of your research create an interesting correlation between being a Crew fan and showing love for professional wrestling.

Much of Crew fandom originates from creative ideas that originated in the arena of professional wrestling. For years the New World Order (NWO) was one of the top factions in World Championship Wrestling (WCW), boasting the likes of Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Hollywood Hulk Hogan. The trio caused devastation, won titles and were the bad boys of the promotion. Crew fans modeled the branding when they created the “Crew World Order” and merchandise that filled the Nordecke corner for several years.

Those themes continue to the present day. Spend a Saturday in the north corner and it isn’t uncommon to see several wrestling-themed tifos, memorabilia or hear phrases from wrestling programming when cheering on the Black & Gold.

With all the crossover occurring between the world of Crew soccer and professional wrestling, Massive Report did our best to book current and former Columbus players into the perfect character roles so they can make a run at championship gold or provide quality entertainment in the process.

Heavyweight champion

There is no better former Crew player to fill this role than defender Chad Marshall. The now-retired defender was known for his excellent defense and sublime aerial ability. In the world of professional wrestling, Marshall would get an immediate push for the heavyweight belt. His size and power is intimidating and he would be best booked as the silent but powerful face (a term used for the good guy).

It would be imperative to his character development to not have him speak for a lengthy period of time and quickly defeat all challengers that stood in his path. Having a silver-tongued manager hyping him up every step of the way couldn’t hurt to put him over as well.

The Manager

Midfielder Federico Higuain pulled the strings in midfield for the Black & Gold for the better part of eight seasons. The Argentine had a way with the ball and a way with the crowd as well. The catchphrase “Pipa’s Happy” was adopted by the Crew faithful and soon stickers and a tifo featuring the playmaker’s face were found at the mega tailgate.

Higuain struggled with English during his early years in Central Ohio but assimilated with the culture fairly quickly, learning to win over spectators with his slick speaking and viewpoints of the on-the-field action.

Like all good pro wrestling managers, why couldn’t we pair him with a young up-and-comer to help get them to that next level? Higuain’s smooth-talking and managerial style would take a young prospect from good to great.

Tag Team Champions

Defender Vito Wormgoor has been with the Black and Gold for a short time but he is already winning the hearts of fans over with his physical play and leadership on the pitch. Watching Wormgoor perform — albeit in only one game — harkens back to when Austrian defender Emanuel Pogatetz arrived on the scene in Columbus.

Perhaps it’s their incredible tattoos but both defenders don’t need any more assistance in looking physically intimidating. Pairing the duo up would lead to a long and lucrative run at tag team gold that could last for years to come.

Babyface

The babyface in professional wrestling is defined as the “good guy” and we can think of no one better than Josh Williams. The love affair between Crew fans and Williams remains a long, confusing, sexually frustrating journey (we’re looking at you GCGBAG), but he remains a leader on the field and in the locker room.

It’s impossible to boo this guy.

Heel

A heel in professional wrestling is defined as the “bad guy.”

May 2016 was a confusing time for fans as Kei Kamara and Federico Higuain locked in a rivalry that played out with a beginning, middle and end right before our very eyes. Since the disagreement with Higuain that ultimately led to Kamara being traded to the New England Revolution, many fans have been split on how to receive the former Crew striker each time he’s returned to MAPFRE Stadium. It’s a polarizing issue that any good wrestling heel would eat up.


How did we do? Would you change any of our pro wrestling or are there any players you would add?