Goonies never say die!
If you don't understand the reference, your parents did a bad job raising you as a child or, if your childhood ended before 1985, you've done a poor job entertaining yourself.
The above line is from - as you may have guessed - the classic movie The Goonies, which is also the nickname the San Jose Earthquakes adopted. No, not because captain Chris Wondolowski leads them on to the pitch screaming, "Hey you guys!" but because of their late game heroics.
In 2012, the Earthquakes began a habit of scoring late tying or winning goals on their way to the MLS Supporter's Shield for finishing with the league's best record. Forward Steven Lenhart, who broke into the league with the Columbus Crew, famously used the quote after the team scored three times in 18 minutes to beat the Los Angeles Galaxy 3-2.
"We've got to play for 90 plus minutes," Crew defender Josh Williams said ahead of traveling out west to face San Jose. "They're a team that always likes to sneak in late and either get one to win or tie it up."
The Earthquakes have already demonstrated this ability this year, scoring goals in 75th and 95th minute to tie Real Salt Lake 3-3 on opening day.
This never-say-die attitude makes San Jose a dangerous team despite their 0-2-1 record to start the year. Just because things haven't come together does not mean they will quit and the Black and Gold must be ready for that.
"They're a good team," Williams said. "I think some results just haven't gone their way this year."
If the Crew are going to keep the Earthquakes winless, it is going to require focus from the opening whistle to the last. One moment's letdown could be costly as Wondolowski and company can strike at any moment, even if you think the game is won.
Staying attentive for the entire game is not easy to do. It is both mentally and physically draining and San Jose has proven that.
"It's very difficult," Williams said. "I think teams have proved how difficult it is. They keep finding it and I think you can kind of tip your hat to San Jose. They're hungry, they're fighting for 90 plus."
This is not lost on the players who are well aware of what Quakes have done over the last two seasons.
"It's something that we've talked about here and obviously guys that have been in the league know that San Jose is always one of those teams that for as long as the whistle hasn't blown, they always have a chance," Williams said.
Hector Jimenez, who played for the Earthquakes' rival for three seasons, echoed Williams' thoughts.
"They play all 90 minutes so we've got to come out with the same intensity that they're coming on the field and hopefully we come out with the victory," he said.
If the Crew can match the intensity and focus, they can keep the Quakes winless on the year. If not, they may end up as embarrassed as Mikey after kissing Andy.
Still not getting the references? Shame on you.