If you're like me, you've pretty much given up on message boards. My disdain for them is based mostly on the one percent of people who can't seem to be civil on the darn things, ruining an otherwise good idea for all of us rational, well-intentioned people.

(Nevermind the fact that sites like twitter, facebook, and even blog communities like SB Nation, have pretty much taken over as the go-to social network platform for online discussion. But thats beside the point.)

However, as I know some of you will continue to piss against the wind that is the International Consortium of Soccer Experts (R), I've come up with a list of topics that are likely to be posted on your favorite soccer message board at some point this season. With this list, you'll be prepared for nearly any possible scenario that can come up, and have a 17-paragraph response ready to go, should the need arise.

Enjoy, and happy repping!

- The Crew need to score more goals

- The Crew need to score fewer goals

- Stern John is available

- Are goals overrated?

- What are Robert Warzycha's goals for the season?

- Robert Warzycha should be fired

- Robert Warzycha needs more time

- Robert Warzycha is tough to spell on my iPhone

- Milovan Mirosevic is tough to spell on my iPhone

- Why don't the Crew have an app for Android devices?

- Robert needs to abandon the 4-4-2.

- Why did Robert abandon the 4-4-2?

- The Merits of the 4-5-1.

- Why doesn't anyone try a 1-1-9?

- Bring back the shot clock

- The offside rule is dumb

- I have an idea - let them use their hands!

- Attention: New moderator position now open

- Where will the goals come from?

- Where with the saves come from?

- I miss Jon Busch

- I hate Jon Busch

- The Crew should trade for Jon Busch

- Jon Busch still has a house here....

- I saw Brad Friedel at the Crew game!

- I got punched by Brad Friedel at the Crew game!

- Why didn't the Crew announce Brad Friedel was punching people at the Crew game? I would have gone!

- Thank God Robbie Rogers is gone

- Robbie Rogers SUX!

- I miss Robbie Rogers...

- Does Robbie Rogers still have a house here?

- Did Urban Meyer buy either Jon Busch or Robbie Rogers' house?

- Did Robbie Rogers like playing for Robert Warzycha?

- Did Robbie Rogers like playing for Sig Schmid?

- Would Robbie Rogers like some ice cream?

- Bring back Sigi Schmid!

- Don't bring back Sig Schmid

- Sigi Schmid DEFINITELY would like some ice cream...

- Maybe we should send Sigi Schmid some Jeni's ice cream?

- Note: Moderator position STILL available

- What happened to Eric Gehrig?

- Wait, Erig Gehrig still plays for us?

- Getting to know Eric Gehrig

- Why the Crew cannot succeed without Eric Gehrig

- The Crew should cut Eric Gehrig

- If the Crew cut Eric Gehrig, I will NEVER support this team again!!!11!

- We should protest the team for getting rid of Eric Gehrig!

- Wait, Eric Gehrig still plays for us? (part 2)

- I hate Andres Mendoza

- I STILL hate Andres Mendoza

- Did Andres Mendoza and Robbie Rogers get along?

- Could Andres Mendoza and Robbie Rogers be living out the plot of Shawshank Redemption?

- Do Mendoza or Rogers know anything about shipbuilding?

- Did Andres Mendoza think much of Robbie Rogers the first time he laid eyes on him?

- Why isn't there an MLS team in Mansfield?

- When will the Crew pave the parking lots? (moved)

- When will Mark McCullers get a roof on Crew stadium?

- When will Mark McCullers get a new roof on his house?

- Why not have Able Roof sponsor Crew Stadium?

- Why not have Hunt's Ketchup sponsor Crew Stadium?

- Why don't the concession stands have more ketchup?

- Emilio Renteria is a beast

- Emilio Renteria is too injury-prone

- Does Emilio Renteria play Dance Dance Revolution?

- Why isn't Olman Vargas starting?

- Why isn't Tommy Heinemann starting?

- WTF? Why is Tommy Heinemann starting?

- Why don't the Crew serve Heineken?

- Love the new LED signboards.

- Does anyone else find the new LED signboards distracting?

- What happened to the old sign boards?

- Eddie Gaven is our most consistent player

- Where was Eddie Gaven last night?

- Eddie Gaven has an awesome beard.

- Eddie Gaven should shave his beard.

- What does Barbasol think of Gaven's beard?

- We need a left back

- We need a D-Mid

- We need a forward

- Common problems in the world of professional soccer

- I love Flogging Molly!

- I liked Flogging molly before they were cool

- I hate Toronto

- I hate Chicago

- I hate D.C. United

- My Cousin is from Chicago, went to school in D.C., and now works in Toronto.

- F*** that guy.

- I hate the Massive Report Podcast

- I love the Massive Report Podcast

- What the hell is the Massive Report Podcast?

And finally:

- When is the Crew's equipment sale?